Ok. That may have been a bit of an overstatement… but really, truly, this phrase has saved my husband AND me significant amounts of frustration and hurt feelings. And it only took us a little over a decade to figure it out.
See, my husband is the type of person who really really likes to see things through to the end. He values accomplishing tasks and solving problems and making sure they’re done before he walks away.
This is a fabulous trait that has served him and our family very well over the years.
However, the down side to this is that interruptions to his state of flow are extremely frustrating to him. — Because he values accomplishment so much, when something comes along to stymie his progress towards that accomplishment, he has a hard time being patient.
This became a more pronounced problem for us when he began working from home about 7 years ago. He had just bought a business and was under a lot of stress, and tended to get frustrated when I would come in to his office to ask or tell him something. I didn’t respond well to his expressions of frustration, and this was becoming a consistent and persistent problem.
Finally, we figured out the phrase that would allow him to maintain his sanity, and me to know when/how I could approach him:
“Tell me when I can talk to you.”
That’s it! So simple, right? And yet it changed everything for us — I tried to not interrupt him generally, but if something was significant and I felt like it was worth talking to him sooner than later, I would go and say those 8 words and wait until he had come to a point where he could pause what he was doing without losing his train of thought, and we’ve lived happily ever after 😉
The reason I share this is twofold: 1—I hope that this phrase might be of benefit to others who may be struggling with similar challenges in their relationships; and 2 — I often hear people dealing with post concussion syndrome talk about irritability being a prime symptom, and I want to offer this phrase or something like it to them and their loved ones as a way to hopefully mitigate some of that irritability and frustration.
Communication is key — and sometimes we just need to know when the other person is open to communicating.
Hope this is helpful!
Thanks 🙂
Bethany