This is concern that I hear coming up very frequently for people dealing with Post Concussion Syndrome, and it’s a concern that I think many people with any kind of injury or illness (physical or mental) may grapple with, particularly if it’s a longer-term challenge they’re facing.
I want to offer a few different thoughts that might resonate with you if this is something that has been on your mind at all.
First, what if it’s true that people around you are perhaps doing more or helping out in ways they haven’t in the past? —does that necessarily mean you are being a burden? Wouldn’t you want to do that for them if they were in your situation? Aren’t we all “burdens” at different stages and during different periods of life? — Remember, this is a season of your life’s experience — the ways in which you need help will shift and change as time progresses, and the ways in which you are able to contribute and help will also shift and change.
Honestly, sometimes the way you help others is in allowing them to serve you — it can open their hearts and minds and bless them in ways you may never know.
And that leads to my second point: it can be useful to question what “being a burden” even means… how are you a ‘burden’ to others, and what makes that a bad thing? We all know that the way to grow muscle is through resistance — we have to lift something heavy in order to break down and build up muscle. Our “burden-ness” may be just the resistance and weight we need to grow ourselves, or that the people around us need to grow themselves — we’re all each other’s clinical material through which learning, growth, stretching, and progress happen. When we can embrace and accept that, we’re all better off.
Third, what if there’s no such thing as being a burden? There’s no medical exam or blood test that can diagnose “burdenhood,” and therefore, the idea of being a burden is exactly that — an idea — it’s a thought in your head. And it’s a thought that very well may not be in the heads of the people serving you. Each person gets to choose how they think about this situation — caregivers and caregetters each get to decide for themselves how they think about things, and “I’m a burden” or “You’re a burden” are 100% thoughts that people choose. We cannot choose what other people think, but we can choose what we think. If the thought “I feel like a burden” is disempowering or down-heartening or not helping you become the person you want to be, I’d suggest intentionally practicing other thoughts that feel believable and are more empowering. Try on something like, “I still have value.” “I do have things to contribute.” “I would do the same for them.” “I’m providing opportunities for others to receive blessings for serving.” “I’m still worthy and good.”
I’d love to hear other thoughts that help lift you when you’re feeling burdened by the thought of “being a burden.”
Dr. Diane Spangler shared some thoughts on this topic that were excellent and very helpful as well in this week’s podcast. I highly recommend listening to what she had to say.
Thanks for being here,
Bethany