We hear frequently (and I say it to my clients all the time) to “give yourself grace,” but what does that even mean?
I actually really liked the definition AI gave me:
Giving grace means showing someone kindness, compassion, patience, and understanding, especially when they make mistakes or fall short of expectations. It involves forgiving them unconditionally, offering the benefit of the doubt, and recognizing their humanity, thereby allowing them to learn and move forward without harsh judgment or punishment.
So how can we do that?
–Acknowledge how you’re feeling – disappointed, frustrated, embarrassed, sad, angry, etc. Name it and know that it’s valid – you have good reasons for feeling those emotions. We can’t move past feelings if we fight them or are in a rush to get rid of them.
–Imagine you’re talking to a beloved friend or child who is feeling the same way about themselves – what words of kindness, support, and love would you tell them? – tell yourself those things, and know that they’re just as true for you as they would be for your loved one.
–Call on your higher power – sometimes we can’t do it ourselves. Grace is ultimately a divine gift that we can call upon, so don’t hesitate to reach up for help.
–Remind yourself that you did the best you could with the information and emotional capacity you had at the time (and sometimes that ‘best’ looks pretty bad… again, we’re human). (And if, perchance, you actually know you weren’t doing your best, know that change IS possible – we can course correct, make restitution as best we can, and learn from the experience.)
–Remind yourself that you are human, having a human experience, and that includes all the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. It’s all part of it, and that’s ok. A thought like this might help: “This is the part of being human where I mess up and learn from it. I love me anyway.”
Be patient with yourself. You have a relationship with yourself – make it a good one by being kind, compassionate, and forgiving. You can do this.
You are loved.
Love,
Bethany